Are you asking for things that you are not willing to receive, Angel?
This was a 6 a.m. conversation between me and Abba this morning as I rolled my eyes, hearing my 6-month-old toss in his Pack ‘n Play next to me.
I knew I wasn’t getting back to sleep!
Angel Williams is a Life Coach whose journey from childhood trauma to healing has become the foundation of her work. After spending years enduring instability and abuse, she found restoration through God's unconditional love. As a mother of two, she believes God has called her to help change the narrative for young women with similar experiences, offering emotional health and trauma coaching through jennarhae.com.
The Question
This question arose from me asking Abba for things like “more time” or “to give me direction on what He wanted me to write in this blog today.” My thought process a lot of times is that when I ask God to give me things, He is going to respond according to the specifics of what I ask, down to the smallest detail, but oh no, rarely does He.
Actually, I can almost bet—He won’t! I am coming to realize that a lot of my answered prayers require a long look in the mirror.
This idea poses the questions:
- Am I ignoring or avoiding the mirror?
- Do I really want the things I am asking for, or do I want a handout?
Looking in the Mirror
The things you are asking God for are going to require something from you, Angel. God is not a genie.
This stung, as my thoughts began to flip pages like a book on display of all the “look in the mirror moments.”
Well, I asked God for more time because so much of my time was robbed from me as a little girl from the abuse of my father.
So much of my time was spent living according to when I was told to “stop or go.”
I realize even as I’m typing that this is still a sore spot for me.
Abba cares about what happened to me. He really does. But He also cares about my heart and what I can do now to keep it clean and have partnership in my own life instead of life just happening to me on someone else’s account.
So, when you ask for more time, Angel, are you willing to stop at the stop signs? Not just bump them, but completely stop?
God cares about the stop signs.
Are you willing to go the speed limit even when it’s inconvenient to you because you’re running late?
Does God give us permission to break agreements in our covenant when it’s not beneficial?
No, He does not. He is still faithful to His promises even when I forget or do not even know them all. He is so good even when I’m everything but.
The Struggle with Responsibility
In recovering from trauma, I’ve learned how often it tries to convince me that if it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t love.
But actually, it is quite the opposite.
If I love you, I correct you; if I love you, I challenge you to grow, heal, forgive, reconcile. Love always does the hard thing. Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.
Is it crazy that even after knowing all this, sometimes I truly just don’t know what to do with it?
Sometimes I feel so darn weak, so helpless to the reality of my flesh that it would be easier just to curl up in a ball. Honestly, many nights I have done just that.
While I’m there in that place, the only words I can muster out are, “I can not do this!” I just cannot do this, God! Look at me! Look at all the reasons why I can’t!
Sometimes the word responsibility can be so daunting.
Responsibility sounds like it is requiring something of me that I just do not have sometimes, so I shut down.
I am so broken, and so is this world. Nothing around me looks like Jesus (perfect, flawless, unconditionally loving, unconditionally forgiving, etc.).
It’s hard to be in a relationship with a God so beautiful when all we see is ourselves. It is like, how can I relate to You, God, and how can You possibly relate to me?
I see all the reasons you should be loved, but I do not see those same things in me.
Talk like this will result in an endless spiral of trying to talk God out of loving you.
The Truth About Who We Are
Accepting Christ is accepting ourselves.
We cannot believe in Him and His beauty, but shame ourselves who are the workmanship of His hand.
We are made in His image. That means we are more than conquerors.
So when I fail at stopping at the stop signs even when I know to, there is grace to try again and again and again.
There is no attainable perfection here! A righteous man falls seven times but rises again!
His love is what sets us apart, guys. It is my responsibility to believe it because I am the only one talking myself out of it daily!
God has not changed His mind. He has not changed His gaze of delight towards me or you just because we fall. He is right there every time!
We just have to look up and grab hold of His hand.
We have to allow Him to love every piece of us. Even your “messy mascara-stained pillow case” you!
Do not hide and do not mask! Come to Him with your bare face and bonnet on. Responsibility is power! This is what it looks like.
A Final Challenge
So I challenge all who read this to slow down and really think about:
What is what you are asking God for going to require of you?